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MegaFest Conference
a maN'S
Most conference attendees at
MegaFest 2013 were women,
so breakout sessions such as
"Becoming Mrs. Right" were
predictably some of the most
popular. What was not predictable
was the session speaker: Tony
Gaskins, Jr., is a 23-year-old married
father. He admits to being a college
dropout and former drug dealer.
Yet Gaskins has become one of
the country's leading relationship
coaches, with a host of celebrity
clients and a list of books he
has penned.
The author of "What Daddy Never
Told His Little Girl," "Mrs. Right: A
Woman's Guide to Becoming and
Remaining A Wife," and "How to
Go from His Girlfriend to His Wife
in 3 Easy Steps," Mr. Gaskins has
been featured on both The Oprah
Winfrey Show and The Tyra Banks
If Gaskins didn't reveal it, you
wouldn't know his age. His life
experience and his faith in God, he
said, have allowed him to live with
the maturity of someone much
older. What advice did he impart
to a room full of women, some old
enough to be his mother?
"Close your legs and open your
mind. Until he walks you down the
aisle and commits his life to you,
he ain't done nothing for you,"
Gaskins said about most men in
relationships. He added that women
should realize their power and use
it to lead men to God and to uplift
their husbands. He also subscribes
to the 90-day rule: Making a man
wait at least 90 days before having
sex with him. Gaskins said his
"wait before you mate" rule was
in place long before author Steve
Harvey penned his book that urged
women to impose a waiting period
before sex.
"That doesn't mean you should be
spread-eagle, ladies, on day-91,"
said Gaskins, adding that women
should evaluate the relationship
periodically and be willing to
walk away if it's not a productive
situation. Some other parting
knowledge: (1) Require a man to
love and follow God if he wants to
win your love; (2) A man wants a
woman to be a mystery. That means
keep him guessing and keep the
sizzle; (3) Be willing to teach a
man how to love you. That means
don't expect him to read your
mind or know what you want; (4)
Keep friends and family out of the
intimate details of your relationship;
and (5) Understand the nature of a
man is to be egotistical. So allow
him to be the leader that God has
created him to be.
If you weren't at the session, you can
find Gaskins' books at
One of his most popular books,
"How to Go from His Girlfriend
to His Wife in 3 Easy Steps," offers
some common-sense advice:
Step 1: Make it clear to your man
what your goal for the relationship
is. Step 2: Give him a timeline as
to when you want to be married or
else moving in separate directions
with your lives. Step 3: Cut off the
benefits package if the timeline
isn't met. Gaskins said sex, cooking,
cleaning, and doing laundry should
be reserved for marriage. And lastly,
he said that "incomplete people
cannot complete one another." He
urged women to work on every part
of themselves: their brains, their
bodies, and their brands. While
most people understand emotional
and physical well-being, Gaskins
said the easiest way for a woman
to "brand" herself is to create a
webpage with He
said that men are impressed with
women with a mind for business;
just a pretty face will hold his
attention for only a short while.
Most parents spend the first part of
a child's life teaching him or her to
walk and talk. And they spend the
second part of a child's life telling
them to shut up and sit down!
According to Dr. Henry Cloud,
therein lies the problem. Cloud,
a leadership consultant and best-
selling author with more than five
million copies sold, said that many
children are destined to an adult
life without passion because they
are not allowed to explore their
passions as children.
Cloud was the mediator for "Boundaries
for Leaders: Results, Relationships
and Being Ridiculously in Charge," a
seminar at Bishop T.D. Jakes' MegaFest
family conference last August.
Kevin frazier