Puzzle Answers
PUZZLE ON PAGE 35
Page 48
January 24, 2014
The Dispatch/Maryland Coast Dispatch
The Adventures
Of Fatherhood
t's the random conversa-
tions with kids that can of-
tentimes surprise and there-
fore are the most enjoyable.
Pam had one chat of note
with Beckett the other day
on the way to school that
she was anxious to share with
me. It went something like this.
Beckett: Did you know that
yesterday was Martin Luther King
Jr.'s birthday?
Pam: Yes, do you know who
he was?
Beckett: Yes, he wanted ev-
eryone to be even.
Pam: You mean equal, right?
Beckett: Yes, equal and fair. I
mean, duh, shouldn't everyone
be equal and treated the same?
Pam: Yes, they should, but
some people are not nice ...
Beckett: [Cutting her off] I
know, some mean people shot
him and they were not nice. God
and Jesus are really mad at
them.Pam: Yes, I believe you are
right, honey.
Rather than continue on, she
left it at that because no further
discussion was needed. That's a
great talk.
lthough I never thought
I would head down this
path, a guilty pleasure
of mine is reading par-
enting articles.
On average, I prob-
ably read a few every
week, and one I came across this
week was in
Forbes
magazine and
headlined, "7 Crippling Parenting
Behaviors That Keep Children
From Growing Into Leaders."
My eyes rolled when I first read
the headline, but then I continued
reading it and found it to be quite
interesting.
The story was essentially an
interview by Kathy Caprino with a
best-selling leadership author,
Dr. Tim Elmore, who is the found-
er of an organization dedicated to
mentoring young people and
helping them become leaders.
The seven "crippling" behav-
iors included:
1. We don't let our children ex-
perience risk: "Kids need to fall a
few times to learn it's normal;
teens likely need to break up with
a boyfriend or girlfriend to appre-
ciate the emotional maturity that
lasting relationships require. If
parents remove risk from chil-
dren's lives, we will likely experi-
ence high arrogance and low
self-esteem in our growing lead-
ers."2. We rescue too quickly: "To-
day's generation of young people
has not developed some of the
life skills kids did 30 years ago
because adults swoop in and
take care of problems for them.
When we rescue too quickly and
over indulge our children with `as-
sistance,' we remove the need for
them to navigate hardships and
solve problems on their own."
3. We rave too easily: "When
we rave too easily and disregard
poor behavior, children eventual-
ly learn to cheat, exaggerate and
lie and to avoid difficult reality.
They have not been conditioned
to face it."
4. We let guilt get in the way of
leading well. "Your child does not
have to love you every minute.
Your kids will get over the disap-
pointment, but they won't get
over the effects of being spoiled.
So tell them `no' or `not now' and
let them fight for what they really
value and need. As parents, we
tend to give them what they want
when rewarding our children, e-
specially with multiple kids."
5. We don't share our past
mistakes: "Share how you felt
when you faced a similar experi-
ence, what drove your actions
and the resulting lessons learn-
ed. Because we're not the only
influence on our kids, we must be
the best influence."
6. We mistake intelligence,
giftedness and influence for ma-
turity. "There is no magic `age of
responsibility' or a proven guide
as to when a child should be giv-
en specific freedoms, but a good
rule of thumb is to observe other
children the same age as yours. If
you notice that they are doing
more themselves than your child
does, you may be delaying your
child's independence."
7. We don't practice what we
preach. "As parents, it is our re-
sponsibility to model the life we
want our children to live. To help
them lead a life of character and
become dependable and ac-
countable for their words and ac-
tions. As the leaders of our
homes, we can start by only
speaking honest words white
lies will surface and slowly erode
character. Watch yourself in the
little ethical choices that others
might notice, because your kids
will notice, too."
Some of these points hit home
with me, particularly those involv-
ing parental guilt, which always
eats me alive, and sharing reflec-
tions on past mistakes, of which I
have learned tons from over my
life.I'm a work in progress as a
parent. That's a good thing I
think. That's why I read these
parenting articles, some of which
I laugh at and toss aside and oth-
ers, like this one, I find to carry a
lasting impact.
(The writer is the publisher and editor of
The Dispatch. He and his wife, Pamela, are
proud parents of two boys. This weekly column
examines their transition into parenthood and
all that goes along with it. E-mail any
thoughts to editor@mdcoastdispatch.com.)
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A
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