The Shopper Thursday, January 2, 2014 Fischer’s Meat Market 304 N. Main • Muenster, TX • 940-759-4211 • 800-259-7248 www.fischersmeatmarket.com Since 1927 We wouldn’t be 85 with out you! Preferred Trim Boneless Beef Fresh Funny New Year’s Resolutions Every year people make resolutions to change something about themselves or start doing something differently. Unfortunately, those new year’s resolutions end quickly and they are back to the same thing again. Setting new year’s resolutions has become such a joke that it’s probably more useful to write a list of funny new year’s resolutions and laugh at them. You could, of course, set resolutions for yourself at any time of the year. Here is a list of funny new year’s resolutions that you can laugh at before you set yourself up for failure this year. Write your own funny new year’s resolutions at the bottom of this page, so the list can be even longer. Good luck on your resisting falling into the new year’s resolutions trap. General Funny New Years Resolutions - I will... *Start washing my hands after I use the restroom. *Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth. *Stop licking frozen flag poles. *Only get divorced and remarried once this year. *Watch more movie remakes. *Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans. *Only eat white snow *Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I’m being interviewed. *Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year. *Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes Funny Technology Related New Year’s Resolutions - I will... *Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube *Check my work e-mail account at least once this year *Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out *Watch less T.V…. in standard definition *Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials *Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes *Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield *Avoid fingertip soreness by learning to play “Rock Band,” instead of a real guitar *Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years *Talk with a robot voice all the time Funny New Years Resolutions about Weight Management - I will... *Lose weight by hiding it somewhere you’ll never find it. *Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser. *Buy new clothes big enough to account for next year’s holidays. *Start smoking to lose weight *Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine *Lose weight by living on the moon *Find a more accurate scale *Build biceps by increasing reps of Ding Dong curls to 3 sets of 15 *Stop buttering my doughnuts *Eat more fruit... snacks 19 I, Ray Coffman, want to announce my candidacy for County Commissioner Precinct 2. I am a lifetime resident and longtime rancher of Montague County. Many of my civic accomplishments are 8 years on the Bowie City Council of1995-2003, President of Junior Chamber Commerce for 5 years, President of Jim Bowie Rodeo Association for 11 years from 1994-2005, Bowie Jaycee’s Ranch Rodeo coordinator 1992-2001, Bowie Rodeo Arena Restoration Committee President, and 25 years on the Montague County Livestock Committee. I was instrumental in bringing the NCTC campus to Bowie, Cattleman’s Roundup, Pelham Park Extension, and the restoration of the Bowie Rodeo Arena. I just want the voting public to know that I will be a hands on leader with no other business conflicts that would interfere with my duties as a full time commissioner. I would appreciate your vote on March 4th Primary and looking forward to serving Montague County. Paid political ad by Ray Coffman, Bobby Coggins Campaign Treasurer 765 Old Wichita Hwy. Bowie, Tx DOUBLE COUPONS EVERYDAY New York Strip Steaks.................................lb. $5.99 Ground Chuck............................................lb. $2.99 Great to Grill Baby Back Pork Ribs.................................lb. $1.99 Great Fried or Baked 24 Pack cans 30 Pack cans Quarter Loin Pork Chops..........................lb. $1.59 Milwaukees Best Light......................................$14 Natural Light.......................................................$20 Prices Effective Dec. 30th - Jan. 5th A OK SEPTIC Courthouse MARRIAGES None WARRANTY DEEDS Diane Moore & Jerry Todd Russell to Hilario Sabado - Lot 11 & 12, Blk. 6, Whaley Addition Highlander Community Services & Investments, LLC to Tracey Ann Noel Roberson - Lot 3 & 4, Blk. 68, OT Nocona Patsy M. Rhoades to Joe Martin - Blk. 12, OT Ringgold, AKA OT Harrisonia Archie Brodie, Jr. to Sarah Hale - Lot 6 and Pt. Lot 5, Blk. 22, OT Bowie Celina Ranch Group LLC to Coyote Valley Ranch, LLC 161.31 ac., ETRR Co. Survey #3 & 1.35 ac., ETRR Co. Survey #3 William H. & Lucille B. Tucker to Christina G. Taylor - Tract 5, Lot 1, Indian Hills Subdivision Jimmy Tompkins & Jimmy Tompkins Living Trust to Thomas Fenoglio - Pt. Montague Co. Survey Ricky Lee Hanson to Larry Kent & Ricky Lee Hanson H&TCRR Survey, Section 15 Reva Dishman Tr. & Ruby Moenning Irrevocable Trust to Douglas E. Chaney Family Trust - 187 7/10 ac., JY Castillo Survey Michelle Horton Teague to William Matthew & Karri E. Hackley - Re: Vol. 511, Pg. 589 Kevin & Mike Moore to Stoneburg House of Prayer - 12.420 ac., Blk. 17, Limestone CSL Survey NEW CASES None Septic Tank Cleaning We are here to help! Located in Bowie serving Montague, Wise & Denton County We will work with you to provide the service you deserve & we guarantee the lowest prices. BEST RATES • BEST SERVICE 2006 Harley Davidson Ultra Classic “Fire Fighters Limited Edition” 255-9331 or 393-5494 PLACE YOUR AD IN THE SHOPPER! We have the largest circulation in Montague County! Deadline for all ad copy is Friday at 5:00 p.m. www.muensterford.com m ensterford com Only 9,600 miles with every add-on possible. $11,783 1005 E. Hwy 82 • Muenster, TX 940-759-2244 • 800-215-4605 940-872-6186 • 1300 E. Wise • Bowie, TX 76230 Owner/Publisher.................................................Carol Johnson Production Manager..........................................Emily Mowery Production..........................................................Terie Overbey Production.....................................................Bradley Hammer Advertising Sales..............................................Jamie Fenoglio Receptionist...........................................................Pam Adams Established March 27, 1980, The Shopper is a FREE publication distributed to all Montague County residents and many in the surrounding area. The present circulation is 14,448. Out of county subscription rates are $25.00 per year. The Shopper will never intentionally print any erroneous reflection upon character, standing, or reputation of any individual or firm. The Shopper reserves the right to refuse any or all material submitted for publication which seems detrimental to the paper or the communities we serve. No material may be reproduced without the express written consent of The Shopper, including, but not limited to, classifieds, articles and display advertising. The Shopper is not responsible for copy errors, typographical errors, or any unintentional error that may occur in advertising other than to correct it in the next issue after it is brought to the attention of The Shopper. First insertion of all types of advertising is proof of publication, and all adjustments will be made to the first appearance only. The Shopper We have so much to celebrate this year, including the continued patronage of folks like you! Celebrate A New Year! Happy New Year and many thanks from all of us at The Shopper!